Today's joke

It is different alright, very different indeed.
I also noticed that it has a winch on it. I'm just wondering how strong it is & how it's mounted ?
As for using it for a recovery, I think I'll pass.

Regards
Mr Turbo
 
taza said:
Found it on one of my other forums. Now thats what I call a home made bullbar!!!

2011-12-15101129.jpg
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Looks like it was pulled off of a road train.:lol:
 
Heres one probably only the Aussies will get :P Got it from Frog so i hope he doesn't mind..


The Country was in a terrible state,
As the Parliament sat for the Budget Debate.
It was quite a few minutes before Gillard spoke,
Then she said, 'Sex will cost you two bucks a poke,

Whether your short, skinny or thick.
A tax will be paid on the use of your prick'.
Penny Wong rose and said 'Julia look here,
Will this tax apply to those who are queer?'

Greenie Bob Brown looked rather glum,
'May I be exempt, I only like bum.'
Julia replied and sounded quite airy
'You'll pay double you dirty old fairy'

Up rose Tony Abbott, to tremendous applause
Grabbed Julie Bishop and ripped off her drawers
He straddled across her and screwed her at will
Then shouted to Gillard, 'Put that on the Bill'!

Wayne Swan shouted, 'I think I'll resign,
I haven't had sex for a very long time.
I dream every night of a big juicy crutch,
But two bucks a go .. that's too bloody much.'

The House was in uproar, the fighting went on,
Till Turnbull banged on the Bar with his dong,
'With a tax on a poke in the front and the back
All we can do is have a good whack.'

I disagree said Joyce with a leer,
And stuck his big prick into Bob Katter's ear.
The backbenchers came and the Cabinet went
Rudd took his out and found it was bent.

'Look here', he cried as it swung in the air,
'For those who are bent a discount is fair.'
So all checked their dicks, the Speaker was last,
And in the excitement, the damn Bill was passed.

So now in the beds of Australia at night,
There's many a fanny that's closed up real tight.
They're taxing our booze and taxing our smokes
And now the *******s are taxing our pokes.

If two bucks a head is the price we must pay
It now with ourselves we find we must play
To quench our frustrations we must have a wank
And for the state of our Country - we've Gillard to thank!
 
Love it. Awesome.
 
Barry said:
Nachalouva, not everything I post is about me.

Besides, I'm not greedy, coin only change from a $10 note each week would seem fair to me. ;)

(For those unfamiliar with Aus currency, our lowest note is $5...)
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Haha thats still doin pretty well lol ;)


You wanna know a funny joke....the Aussie $1 coin is BIGGER than the $2 coin! What dimwit in Canberra had that brainwave! :rolleyes::shake:
 
"I can't wait to see your big beautiful nipples again...
...I mean dimples!" :rotfl:
 
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I've moved the recent YouTube posts into a new off topic sticky.
 
A couple were out Christmas shopping in a shopping mall on Christmas Eve & the mall was packed.
Walking through the mall the surprised wife looked up & noticed her husband was nowhere to be seen, this caused her to be very upset, because they had to do a lot in a limited time.
She used her mobile phone to call her husband because she was so upset, to ask where he was.

The husband in a calm voice said..

"Darl, do you remember the jewellery store we went into five or so years ago, where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we could not afford & I told you that I would get it for you one day ?"

With tears filling her eyes, his wife said..
"Yes, I remember that jewellery store"

He said, "Well I'm in the bar next to it"

Regards
Mr Turbo
 
Birds and Bees
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.

“Mother, where do babies come from?”

The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.”

The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his :censored: in the mommy’s :censored: . That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend.

“Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s :censored: in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”

“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.” :rotfl:


the perfect day

The Perfect Day - Her

8:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses
9:00 5 lbs lighter on the scale
9:30 Light Breakfast
11:00 Sunbathe
12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
1:45 Shopping
2:30 Run into boyfriend's/husband's ex and notice she's gained 30 lbs
3:00 Facial, massage, nap
7:30 Candlelight dinner for two and dancing
10:00 Make love
11:30 Pillow talk in his big strong arms

The Perfect Day - Him

6:45 Alarm.
7:00 Shower and massage.
7:30 luv me.
7:45 Massive dump while reading USA Today sports section.
8:15 Limo arrives, Stoli Bloody Marys.
8:30 Butler Aviation, O'Hare Field, Lear Jet to Augusta, Georgia.
9:30 Front nine holes, Augusta National Golf Club.
11:30 Lunch - 2 dozen oysters, 3 Heinekens.
12:30 luv me.
12:45 Back nine holes, Augusta National Golf Club.
2:30 Limo to Augusta Airport, Bombay Sapphire Martini.
3:30 Nassau, Bahamas, Afternoon fishing with all female crew (topless). Sex for each fish caught. Catch 1249 lb. Blue Marlin. Grilled tuna and steamed lobster appetizers, six Heinekens, nap.
6:15 luv me.
6:30 Lear Jet return flight, total body massage in transit.
7:30 ****, shower, shave.
8:00 Watch CNN Live coverage of Bill Clinton's resignation. Hillary and Al Gore are indicted in the same scandal (which involves graphic pictures and large farm animals).
9:00 Dinner at Ritz Carlton, Oysters Casino, 20 oz. Filet mignons (rare), Gorgonzola salad, Fettucini Alfredo, Chateau Lafite Rothschild 1963 (magnum) creme brute, Louis XII Cognac, Cohiba Lancero
10:30 Sex with 3 women, all from different countries
11:30 Whirlpool, steam and massage. Women quietly get dressed, hail cab and leave. Midnight luv me. Sleep

Off to Vegas

A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed.

'Just where the heck do you think you're going!', said the man.

'I'm going to Las Vegas', said the wife, 'I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free!

'The man said, 'Wait a minute!', and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand.

'Where the heck are you going?', said the wife.

The man said, 'I want to see how you're gonna live on $800 a year!'
 
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