Rally
Forum Member
Two Swedes - Sven and Ole - got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. They bagged six.
As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose.
Sven and Ole objected strongly, "Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board; he had the same type plane as yours."
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six moose were loaded.
Even on full power, however, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down a few moments after take-off.
Climbing out of the wreck Sven asked Ole, "Any idea where we are?"
"Yaaah ai tink vi are pretty close to vere vi crashed last yer."
A man walked into a bar carrying a dog with no legs and placed it on the bar.
The bartender said, "Look at that: a dog with no legs! What do you call him?"
The man replied, "I named him 'Cigarette',"
"Why 'Cigarette' "? asked the bartender.
"Because every night, I take him out for a drag!"
Understanding Engineers One
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Understanding Engineers Two
To the optimist, the glass is half-full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers Three
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers Four
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers Five
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want chips with that?"
Understanding Engineers Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the female body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a drain and a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Understanding Engineers Seven
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers Eight
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick-pocketed.
How could anyone stoop so low!
Two nicely dressed ladies happen to start up a conversation during an endless wait at the Los Angeles International Airport. The first lady was an arrogant California woman married to a wealthy man. The second was a well-mannered elderly lady from the South.
When the conversation drifted to whether they had any children, the California woman started by saying, "When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me."
"Well, isn't that precious," commented the lady from the South.
The first woman continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz."
"Again, the lady from the South commented, "Well, isn't that precious."
The first woman continued boasting, "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought this exquisite diamond bracelet."
And, again, the Southern lady commented, "Well, isn't that precious."
The first woman then asked the Southern lady, "What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?"
"My husband sent me to charm school," said the Southern lady.
"Oh, my God! What on Earth for?" asked the first woman.
"Well, for example," the Southern lady replied, "instead of saying, 'Who gives a poop!' I learned to say, 'Well, isn't that precious."
As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose.
Sven and Ole objected strongly, "Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board; he had the same type plane as yours."
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six moose were loaded.
Even on full power, however, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down a few moments after take-off.
Climbing out of the wreck Sven asked Ole, "Any idea where we are?"
"Yaaah ai tink vi are pretty close to vere vi crashed last yer."
A man walked into a bar carrying a dog with no legs and placed it on the bar.
The bartender said, "Look at that: a dog with no legs! What do you call him?"
The man replied, "I named him 'Cigarette',"
"Why 'Cigarette' "? asked the bartender.
"Because every night, I take him out for a drag!"
Understanding Engineers One
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Understanding Engineers Two
To the optimist, the glass is half-full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers Three
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers Four
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers Five
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want chips with that?"
Understanding Engineers Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the female body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a drain and a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Understanding Engineers Seven
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers Eight
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick-pocketed.
How could anyone stoop so low!
Two nicely dressed ladies happen to start up a conversation during an endless wait at the Los Angeles International Airport. The first lady was an arrogant California woman married to a wealthy man. The second was a well-mannered elderly lady from the South.
When the conversation drifted to whether they had any children, the California woman started by saying, "When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me."
"Well, isn't that precious," commented the lady from the South.
The first woman continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz."
"Again, the lady from the South commented, "Well, isn't that precious."
The first woman continued boasting, "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought this exquisite diamond bracelet."
And, again, the Southern lady commented, "Well, isn't that precious."
The first woman then asked the Southern lady, "What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?"
"My husband sent me to charm school," said the Southern lady.
"Oh, my God! What on Earth for?" asked the first woman.
"Well, for example," the Southern lady replied, "instead of saying, 'Who gives a poop!' I learned to say, 'Well, isn't that precious."
:rotfl: :lol:
