Today's joke

Always time for a quick smoke, even when bogged roof deep in water... :rotfl:

PS: Don't mean to offend anyone :)

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What a classic :lol:
I can kinda relate to that :rolleyessarcastic:

It's also good to see that he still has his other hand on the wheel :poke:
Not that I think it's going to go anywhere mind you :rotfl:

Regards
Mr Turbo
 
mr turbo said:
What a classic :lol:
I can kinda relate to that :rolleyessarcastic:

It's also good to see that he still has his other hand on the wheel :poke:
Not that I think it's going to go anywhere mind you :rotfl:

Regards
Mr Turbo
Click to expand...

At that stage it's less a steering wheel than a "JEE-ZUZ" Bar!!!
 
The New EU Language

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English". In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away. By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas. If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.
 
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LOL!

It has always seriously p!ssed the French off that English has become the World's Lingua Franca ...

:iconwink:
 
Not really a joke as it has serious consequences for lovers of pancakes & waffles all over the world! :huh:

There was a massive Maple Syrup heist in Canada a while ago, the likes of which have never been seen. It would give "The Great Train Robbery" & "The Italian Job" a run for their money...:(:shake::madred::yell:

Canadian news sources said $18 million to $22 million worth was taken from the warehouse that held 10 million pounds of maple syrup, worth some $30 million, and two-thirds of it was recovered :bananapartyhat::banana:

My personal belief is they were gonna hold the world to ransom!! ;)

https://au.news.yahoo.com/a/-/odd/15671594/canadas-massive-maple-syrup-whodunit-ends-in-arrests/
 
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My jaw dropped when I heard that... that hits close to home (both figuratively and literally): I can't live without maple syrup, but it also happened about 200km from my place!

But the best is -wait for it- the location where it was stolen is called International Strategic Maple Syrup Reserve. Yes yes, a strategic maple syrup reserve. It's that important! :biggrin:
 
I see an international Subaru Exploration to investigate the Syrup Reserve.... pity I wasn't closer, it'd be a great trip!
 
Christmas outrage in Canberra

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The Federal Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in the nation's Capital this Christmas season.

This isn't for any religious reason.

They simply have not been able to find Three Wise Men in Canberra .

"The search for a Virgin continues.

There was no problem, however, finding enough donkeys to fill the stable.
 
Alien Invasion

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night.

They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader."

The gas pump, of course, didn't respond.

The younger alien became angry at the lack of response.

The older alien said, "I'd calm down if I were you."

The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no response.

Pissed at the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said gruffly, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader or I will fire!"

The older alien again warned his comrade saying, "You probably don't want to do that! I really think that will make him mad."

”Rubbish,” replied the young alien. He aimed his weapon and opened fire.

There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards him and blew the younger alien off his feet and threw him in a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away into a cactus patch.

Half an hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head..

"What a ferocious creature!" exclaimed the young, fried alien. "He damn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?"

The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, "If there's one thing I've learned during my intergalactic travels, you never mess with a guy who can loop his willy over his shoulder twice and then stick it in his ear."
 
The Bookkeeper and the Mafia Godfather ...

The Bookkeeper

A Mafia Godfather finds out his bookkeeper has embezzled ten million dollars.

The bookkeeper is deaf. That was considered an occupational benefit and why he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything he'd ever have to testify about in court.

When the Godfather goes to shake down the bookkeeper for his missing 10 million bucks, he brings along his attorney who knows sign language.
The Godfather asks the bookkeeper, "Where is the 10 million bucks you embezzled from me?"

The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the 10 million dollars is hidden.

The bookkeeper signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."
The attorney tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple, cocks it, and says: "Ask him again!"

The attorney signs to the underling, "He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!"

The bookkeeper signs back, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"

The Godfather asks the attorney, "Well, what'd he say?"






The attorney replies, "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."
 
Not a joke as it really happened, but hilarious anyway...

From the ABC:
"Darwin played host to an unusual police operation this afternoon as officers tried to hunt down two fleet-footed offenders.
Police say two pigs attracted the attention of the law by running across Darwin's Bagot Road during peak hour, causing a hazard for motorists.
The animals fled to a nearby golf course with eight officers hot on their tails.
But four legs proved better than two and the fugitives remain on the lam."

Cant you imagine the golfers having a good laugh as the coppers chased the pigs...I can also imagine the comments about whether the pigs were chasing or being chased lol :rotfl:

(PS: I have great respect for cops & would never call them pigs...at least not to their face! :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:)
 
As do I & I have the utmost respect for them.
They're always there when you need them.

I can just just imagine :lol: But I have to ask, did they catch them & did any of them squeal on the others:rotfl:

Regards
Mr Turbo
 
Paddy says to Mick - I'm ready for a holiday, only this year I'm going to do
it a bit different.

3 years ago I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant.
2 years ago I went to Italyand Mary got pregnant.
Last year I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant."

Mick asks - So what are you going to do this year?."
Paddy replies, - I'll take her with me!"
 
I remember that dirtyru, ^ i believe it was a response to this
oi4pntm.jpg
 
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