Post a joke here

eden

eden

bush bash'n ranga
Joined
Jul 10, 2008
Messages
1,259
Location
Bondi, Sydney-Australia
a bra and a jumper cable walk into bar and ask for a beer. the barman says i'm not serving you two. so the bra asks why not? the barman replys, well your of your tits and your mate is trying to start something :lol:
 
3 blokes walk into a bar...
Actually no, 4 blokes, 5 blokes walk into a bar.
8 blokes walk into a bar.
No, 20 blokes walk, actually 25. 30 Blokes! Walk into a bar...
So 30 blokes walk into a bar, and the first blokes says
"My shout"...

Heard this from the fella off Black Books, its really a verbal joke, I like it :)
 
"A professional photographer is invited to dinner by some friends and is showing some award-winning photos. During the dinner the hostess comments 'Wow, these photos are really amazing! You must have a very good camera!'. The photographer replies: 'Definitely. By the way, this dish is excellent. You must have a very good pot'."
 
2 bad ones here.

Q.what do you call a fly with no wings?

A. a walk



a muffin says to a banna "hows it goin?"
banna says "holy crap a talking muffin":lol:
 
What do you call a deer with no eyes...
No eye deer,
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs...
Still no eye deer.
 
Having trouble with this thread- maybe the computer does not like my jokes!
 
Q.what do you call a chinaman on a fence?
A. Pay-ling

Q.what do you call a Spaniard with no car?
A. car-loss

Q. what do you call a mexican carpet layer
A. underlay

Q. what do call a mexican wife murderer?
A. Tequila

there getting worse:rolleyessarcastic:
 
A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife.

It read: Dear Wife: You must realize that you are 54 years old, and I have certain needs of which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise reasonably happy with you as my wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18 year old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. Your Husband.

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:

Dear Husband: You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18 year old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up...
 
A lady walks into Tiffany's. She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond
bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more
closely, she inadvertently breaks wind.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed
her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now.

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a
salesman standing right behind her.

Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman
greets the lady with, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?'

Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been
there at the time of her little 'accident', she asks, 'Sir, what is the
price of this lovely bracelet?'

He answers, 'Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to crap
yourself when I tell you the price.'


Regards
Mr Turbo
 
eden said:
a bra and a jumper cable walk into bar and ask for a beer. the barman says i'm not serving you two. so the bra asks why not? the barman replys, well your of your tits and your mate is trying to start something :lol:
Click to expand...

I know of a slightly different version that involves a car battery too. The last line is practically the same except it goes "your mates look like they're going to start something..."
Still a goodie in my book though.

Bumpty said:
What do you call a deer with no eyes...
No eye deer,
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs...
Still no eye deer.
Click to expand...

eden said:
and a deer with no eys, no legs and a deep cut?
still no bloody idea
Click to expand...

Should I take this a step further??? Ah, why not, the worst that can happen is that it gets deleted right?

What do you call a deer thats being rooted, has no eyes or no legs?

Still no F*****g idea...


What's brown and sticky?

- a stick


What's green, has six legs and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?

- a billard table


Why'd the koala fall out of the tree?

- it was dead

Why'd the second koala fall out of the tree?

- it was on the back of the first one that was dead

Why'd the third koala fall out of the tree?

- peer pressure!


What do you call a small bird that's been run over by a lawn mower?

- Shreaded tweat... (gotta love the vicar of dibley)


I'll leave off here... for now.

Cheers

Bennie
 
The Englishman's wife steps up to the first tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. "Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband demanded. "Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any," she replied. The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's 10#.Go and buy yourself some underwear."

Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she is wearing no undies. "Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?" She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me." He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's 5#. Go and buy yourself some underwear!"

Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it. "Sweet mudder of Jasus, Maggie! Where the luv are yer drawers?" She too explains, "You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any." The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, "Well, fer the love 'o Jasus, 'n the sake of decency, here's a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit."
 
Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border. The Italian Customs agent stops them and tells them: "Itsa illegal to putta fiva people ina Quattro." What do you mean it's illegal?" asked the Englishmen. "Quattro means four" replies the Italian official. "Quattro is just the name of the automobile," the Englishmen retort disbelievingly. "Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry 5 persons." "You can'ta pulla thata one ona me," replies the Italian customs agent. "Quattro means four. You hava fiva people ina your car and you are therefore breakin'a the law". The Englishmen replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your supervisor over - I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!" "Sorry," responds the Italian official, "he can'ta come. He'sa busy with 2 guys in a Fiat Uno...
 
Stolen from a forum...stolen from another forum, but I think it's a good :lol:.

It was a Friday morning, and Mike was attending his 4X4 club's monthly meeting. He had just told his buddies that he couldn't make the upcoming weekend camping trip because his wife wouldn't let him go.

After listening to the jeers and hoots and other derisive remarks from his fellow 4X4 friends, Mike left the meeting with his head hung in shame, to go back home to his wife.

Later that afternoon, when Mike's friends started arriving at the camp grounds to set up camp, they were surprised to see Mike sitting there in a lawn chair, tent already set up, fishing rod in hand, and a roast stewing away over a hot bed of coals.

"How did ya talk your wife into letting you go Mike?" one of his buddies asked.

"I didn't have to" laughed Mike. "When I left the meeting I went home and slumped down in my recliner, feeling like a whipped puppy. Then my wife snuck up behind me and covered my eyes with her hands, and said, surprise!!"

When I peeled her hands back from my eyes, I saw that she was standing there naked under a beautiful see-through negligee and she said, "Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want."





"So, I tied her to the bed...... and here I am!"
 
What do George Michael and a Wellington Boot have in common?



They both get sucked off in a bog.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top