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  #21  
Old 10th December 2010, 12:38 AM
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Rally Rally is online now
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Default Christmas cake recipe

Just in time for Xmas - Christmas Cake recipe!!

Ingredients:

* 2 cups flour
* 1 stick butter
* 1 cup of water
* 1 tsp baking soda
* 1 cup of sugar
* 1 tsp salt
* 1 cup of brown sugar
* Lemon juice
* 4 large eggs
* Nuts
* 2 bottles wine
* 2 cups of dried fruit

Sample the wine to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the wine again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the wine is still OK. Try another cup... Just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the frigging fruit up off floor. Mix on the turner.. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the wine to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Check the wine. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or some fink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window Finish the wine and wipe counter with the cat.
Go to Coles and buy cake.

Bingle Jells!



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  #22  
Old 10th December 2010, 12:38 AM
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Default Dear Santa



Dear Santa,
Please send me a baby brother.

Santa wrote back: Send me your mother..."

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  #23  
Old 10th December 2010, 12:40 AM
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Default On sale at Bunnings

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, 'My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a Doctor.'
'Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money,'
Mike replies. 'There's a diagnostic computer down at Bunnings Hardware. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong andWhat to do about it.
It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars ...... .. . A lot cheaper than a Doctor.'
So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Bunnings.
He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:
'You have tennis elbow... Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.
Thank you for shopping at Bunnings.'
That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled.
He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.
Joe hurries back to Bunnings, eager to check the results.
He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.
The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a solicitor.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!
Thank you for shopping at Bunnings

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  #24  
Old 10th December 2010, 01:12 AM
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'Boxers' forever! '67Beetle & 05MYOB.
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  #25  
Old 10th December 2010, 01:15 AM
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ROFLMAO!
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'Boxers' forever! '67Beetle & 05MYOB.

Last edited by Barry; 10th December 2010 at 05:35 AM.
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  #26  
Old 10th December 2010, 02:22 AM
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Default

That's brilliant.

Regards
Mr Turbo
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Some call it Man V's Wild ...but here... We call it Camping
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  #27  
Old 10th December 2010, 03:27 AM
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Excellent!!!!!
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98 Liberty,V3 STI conversion,13.0qtr almost stock
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  #28  
Old 10th December 2010, 04:32 AM
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Gotta be 30yrs old but still a goodie.
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98 Liberty,V3 STI conversion,13.0qtr almost stock
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  #29  
Old 10th December 2010, 06:34 AM
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  #30  
Old 17th December 2010, 03:53 PM
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thnaks orf the msile.
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